God is Good.

God is good, all the time, yet tonight it's hard to "see". It's like being a teenager when your parents ground you and you are so angry you smash something against the wall, or yell back at them knowing that there will be repercussions. In retrospect you know that they were right, that it was painful, but it was for the better. Yet, it is maddening, angering, agonizing, and you don't know how you will ever get over it.

I've held the hands of mothers saying good-bye to their children, how strong they were to do it without completely dying inside. I've held the hands of children who were alive only because they had a a tube down their throat, and sang them lullabies to ease their souls into heaven. I've cried nights knowing that a family was going home empty handed. I've cried nights with my own arms empty, knowing that my child was gone and in the arms of Jesus. Knowing that he was safe, healthy and whole, and that he had missed this horribly flesh-driven life. I rejoice in the fact that God sent His son for us, that one day we will be in heaven with Him and that we will be whole, because we are saved. Tonight, I cry for a little boy who died yesterday and will be born today, for my friends who have to go home empty handed, pack the tomorrows away, and continue on without their son. I praise God as my heart aches. He is holy and good, and His heart breaks tonight as well....